Consumer Confidence Hits All-Time Low As Only Seven Items Are Sold In December

A stunning consumer confidence report indicates that only 7 items were purchased country-wide in December, causing retailers to take a serious look at reducing prices even further, in some cases into negative net gain territory. One shoe store chain in Indiana, PediLand, is now selling shoes for -$7.99. We spoke with one confused customer who was leaving the store with three new pairs of sneakers and $23.97. A pizzeria owner in Baltimore was arrested recently for throwing slices of pizza at passing cars. Large electronic retailers have become so desperate that in some cases are taking hostages. Circuit City has built an entire ad campaign to target one audience: Somali Pirates.

The seven items sold in December ranged from a calender, purchased by Missy Thompson of Searcy, Arkansas, to a toaster purchased by Edward Rhodel from a Costco in St. Louis, and ended with a copy of a paperback Tom Clancy at the Los Angeles Airport by a man who paid in cash and wished to remain anonymous.