Chuck Norris contemplates secession from union

Chuck Norris has had it, and we all should walk a bit quietly around America's legendary roundhouser these days as he is apparently contemplating seceding from the union if things don't change soon. Norris has filed papers in US Courts to be uniquely qualified as a sovereign state on two legs, possessing freedom over his affairs, existence and territory. Norris has requested allowance to roam anywhere within US borders, and really, who's going to say no? The stoic actor/intimidation expert is apparently fed up with the state of the country. Those close to him say that he would prefer to handle the recession and shady politics with his feet, but knows better. His spokesman added, "If Chuck fights the recession all by himself, who's going to handle this problem the next time around if Chuck isn't here? Here's a hypothetical: The country has another financial crisis, and Chuck is overseas negotiating peace between Bosnia and Serbia with his size 11's. What will we do? The point is, we can't rely on this guy to help us out of every problem. First this country got too fat, so Chuck introduced the Total Gym. Then America was screaming for a leader, so Chuck introduced Mike Huckabee. How much can we expect from one man?"

If Norris is granted this special exemption--and he will--he would be required to register a name for his new state and could be granted membership to the general assembly of the United Nations. If he's not granted the membership, he will most likely just show up because there will be little the other 192 countries represented could do to stop him.