White House provides tips on how to handle recession

The White House is warning people not to be intimidated by the recession, and has issued a series of tips on how to deal with the recession if it effects you. First, the White House suggests that, if you see the recession approaching, you should act "big", and make lots of noise. "Bang pots and pans together or yell loudly, but don't run under any circumstances", the White House says, "because the recession is faster than you and will catch you and eat you." The White House also suggests that people stay out of recession heavy areas, such as the woods and most of Nevada.
If the recession catches you, the best defense is to cover your face with your forearms and feign death.