Monday, February 27, 2012

Yankees Cashman seen tapping excess fluid off syringe before private meeting with A-Rod

Brian Cashman has approached Alex Rodriguez about going back on steroids as well as dropping to 6th in the batting order. In a bold face-to-face that was preceded by what various eyewitnesses describe as a "calculated" Cashman slowly tapping excess clear fluid off the top of a syringe, the Yankees G.M. has asked the much maligned superstar to take one last stab at the big time. Cashman was reportedly armed with nearly 60 cc's of Medarol.

The Yankees have become tired of A-Rod's constant complaints about hip problems, which seem to frequently coincide with oft-impromptu belly dance routines on team flights.
Adding to the combustibility of the situation is Cashman's erratic behavior over the last 18 months, calling into question the possibility that he is trying to get fired. He recently posted an odd series of photos on his public Facebook page of him dressed in a donkey costume while sitting on 3rd base at a dimly lit Yankee Stadium. Another post simply stated: "I bet Mantle didn't give a sh!t".

Some think the Yankees have overpaid for A-Rod, as the total dollar figure tied to his contract makes his net worth as a GDP fall right in between that of Bolivia and Paraguay.

The Yankees still owe A-Rod some 140 million dollars, 13,245 goats, the Island of Kiribati, the hearts of seven (7) Yeti, a minimum of 12 hours of unseen Charlie Chaplin footage and a lifetime supply of mimes trained exclusively at the Marcel Marceau School of Mimes.

Some suggest that such a contract could be untradeable.

The Yankees are calling the effort "Operation Cousin Yuri". A-Rod did not answer reporters questions about the offer from Cashman, but was seen running through a fence shortly after practice.