Monday, May 16, 2011

Intel shows Bin Laden passed time playing Wii, working on draft of "Infidels for Dummies"

Osama Bin Laden spent much of his 6 years in an Abbottobad, Pakistan compound playing Wii, specifically the "Sports Resort" games, and was especially fond of bowling and golf according to a source close to those reviewing his personal documents. When he wasn't "whooping upon the meek" on the Wii, as his copious notes detail, he was writing a cynical, hokey work of fiction called "Infidels for Dummies", a novel about a goofball terrorist who can't get out of the way of his own bombs.

Bin Laden was incorrigible around the compound, often beating his friends at Wii games and following them from room to room with mocking banter accompanied by a series of victory dances. The notes seem to indicate that his Wii infatuation caused him to stop planning terrorist activity and instead spend much of his time looking up Wii cheat codes on his encrypted laptop.
The terrorist mastermind was also working on creating a reality television show called "Abbottobad As It Gets!", and had dedicated hundreds of pages to what the source calls "incessant droning about what he thought would constitute the perfect hummus recipe."

Other snippets from the Bin Laden diaries that were leaked include:

"...McRib is back. Gotta get on that..."
"...Kirstie Alley needs to go away as bad as me..."
"...Is it me or is it really hard to get through on the American Idol voting lines?...."
"...If this Kanye video comes on again I'm going to order a bombing..."
"...LeBron is in Miami! Told y'all..."

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Ron Hits The Movies

Ron recently sat through all 127 hours of 127 Hours, and found it fascinating that anybody could allow themselves to be pinned under a boulder. Here is his review.

This guy ran around on the rocks somewhere in Utah, or was it Colorado? You'll have to watch! Either way, he dislodges a boulder and it seeks revenge by pinning his arm and refusing to move. He makes a farewell video to his parents, and then realizes he only has to cut off his arm to be free. So he does it, then stops off for a drink before erasing the video farewell to his parents (no longer needed), and then flags down a guy who knows a guy who has a helicopter. Now he's doing great; he ended up marrying the boulder and they have a child.

As an aside, during the watching of this movie you might wonder, "would I be able to cut off my arm?" Then by the end you might ask, "would I cut off my arm to get out of watching the rest of this movie?"
Alas, it's a great movie that makes you question many things. If you recently said to yourself, "I'd give anything right now to see a guy cut his arm off to free himself from a bad situation", I could not recommend this movie more.