Monday, May 16, 2011

Intel shows Bin Laden passed time playing Wii, working on draft of "Infidels for Dummies"

Osama Bin Laden spent much of his 6 years in an Abbottobad, Pakistan compound playing Wii, specifically the "Sports Resort" games, and was especially fond of bowling and golf according to a source close to those reviewing his personal documents. When he wasn't "whooping upon the meek" on the Wii, as his copious notes detail, he was writing a cynical, hokey work of fiction called "Infidels for Dummies", a novel about a goofball terrorist who can't get out of the way of his own bombs.

Bin Laden was incorrigible around the compound, often beating his friends at Wii games and following them from room to room with mocking banter accompanied by a series of victory dances. The notes seem to indicate that his Wii infatuation caused him to stop planning terrorist activity and instead spend much of his time looking up Wii cheat codes on his encrypted laptop.
The terrorist mastermind was also working on creating a reality television show called "Abbottobad As It Gets!", and had dedicated hundreds of pages to what the source calls "incessant droning about what he thought would constitute the perfect hummus recipe."

Other snippets from the Bin Laden diaries that were leaked include:

"...McRib is back. Gotta get on that..."
"...Kirstie Alley needs to go away as bad as me..."
"...Is it me or is it really hard to get through on the American Idol voting lines?...."
"...If this Kanye video comes on again I'm going to order a bombing..."
"...LeBron is in Miami! Told y'all..."


anonymous said...

Good he wasn't around to see James voted off Idol!

Anonymous said...

Where are you Ron! Don't go away again! It's been a whole month!!