Yankees to decommission Jorge Posada

Lovable Yankee catcher Jorge Posada, a staple of the Yankees 5 championship teams over the past fifteen years, is too broken down to be considered a viable commodity and will be scrapped for parts, according to a source close to the team. While no decision has been made about direction the team will take with the Posada parts, it is widely believed that young catcher Francisco Cervelli will get Posada's left knee to replace his oft-injured current one. Posada's right arm will most likely be moved over to outfielder Nick Swisher who happens to throw lefty, raising speculation that the team is indeed intent on having the leagues first ambidextrous right fielder. The Yankees famously attempted a similar move with former fan-favorite right fielder Paul O'Neill in 1999, but failed. O'Neill instead became amphibious, and was subject to violent mood swings.
General Manager Brian Cashman refused to answer questions directly related to the decommissioning process, but did seem frustrated when talking to reporters, several times lashing out in response to simple questions. When asked if there were any pro-Posada voices left that tried to save the one time star, Cashman said, "The numbers speak for themselves. If anybody did speak up, I didn't hear it over the roars of my three pet lions."

Posada will be taken apart and moved to storage at some point next week.
"He's not looking to make a big stink", said a friend. "He's a team guy."
Posada is most famous for several big hits, and spending long hours trying to convince anybody who'd listen that his name was really George, not Jorge.
This is the Yankees first attempt at what they term "player enhancement" since they had Alex Rodriguez fitted with the wings of a falcon for a short period during 2008.