Sunday, June 19, 2011

World unrest spreads as violence in Lybia results in hockey riots in Vancouver

The unrest and upheaval that has rippled through the Middle East has apparently spread to Vancouver, as a new generation of hockey fans refused to accept the terms of the NHL's format for deciding a champion. After their home team, the Canucks, lost to the Bruins in an upset in game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, the youth of Vancouver took to the streets and torched vehicles that reminded them of Boston. The rabid fans of the team whose name is a derogatory term for all Canadians made no excuses for their actions, showing little remorse as they made their hardline stance with unwavering drunkenness. Tearing down street lights, scuffling with police and a general air of frustration over being Canadian seemed to fuel the events of the night.

Police used batons and dogs on the riotous crowd, who were way to drunk to notice that dogs were biting them. Eventually pepper spray and tear gas was used, but both seemed to deflect harmlessly off the drunker-then-expected throngs.

The riot led to an unusual amount of attention for the NHL, as two of the top ten searches this week on Yahoo were, "What is hockey", and "Barry Melrose vacation recommendations".

In defense of Vancouver, they are still cleaning up from the 2010 Olympics and have not been getting a lot of sleep.

Under section 67-68 of the Criminal Code of Canada, rioting can carry a life sentence. It's these kinds of oppressive laws, ironically, that led to the riot, along with other antiquated heavy-handedness like "Citizens may not publicly remove bandages", "It is illegal to kill a sasquatch", and "You can't drag a dead horse down Yonge Street on a Sunday."

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