Friday, August 15, 2008

Brett Favre Thwarts Bank Robbery, Rescues Kitten

Brett Favre "tested his legs" yesterday by outrunning the 3:34 Long Island Express Train, but it turns out Mr. Favre was running for a reason. The new sensation that is the Jets quarterback was on his way to the Hempstead Wachovia on 2nd Avenue, where a group of armed robbers were in the process of heisting over $500,000. Favre, still wearing his practice jersey, football pants and a helmet, and carrying a bag of practice balls, deftly threw a tight spiral through the front doors of the bank and then used his three remaining footballs to knock out the dangerous trio. He left before police arrived, but was captured on the security cameras. It was later reported that Favre climbed an ancient 130 foot Spruce tree near the Jets complex to rescue a tabby belonging to an elderly resident.

This all came after Favre's second practice as a Jet, during which he broke all Jets career passing records. It has also been reported that he plans to knit uniforms for the entire team, to be ready by opening day. The fabric of choice will be "unknown to mere mortals".
He is also "very close" to figuring out the ingredients in the McDonalds special sauce.
Favre arrived at Jets camp on Monday after a meeting with Mayor Bloomberg during which the Mayor handed him a bag containing 1 Billion dollars in $100 bills.

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