Nike wins naming rights for Gulf of Mexico oil spill

With a closed bid, Nike pulled off a major advertising coup on Monday when it won exclusive naming rights for the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. "This is huge", an industry insider said, on condition of anonymity. "This is like the Knicks getting LeBron. This quickly reestablishes Nike's position as a pioneer in the world of advertising."
Nike will move quickly to reap the benefits of their big win. Massive "swoosh" banners, which will be dropped strategically on the spill, are being worked on, along with a giant, metal fitted Nike cap to plug the hole. The cap, in keeping with tradition, will be adjustable.
From now on, all newscasts on the spill will be legally required to call it the "Nike Deepwater Horizon Blowout". Any formal reference to the spill must now include the Nike name.
Nike designers are hurriedly working on a line of spill related workout gear, initially to be called "GushWear", which will include a small oil rig awash in flames patterned over the left breast.
Nike is also rumored to have a hilarious commercial in the works that will include Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and the oil spill competing at various household chores.