10) The doctors ended your football career after diagnosing you as the only living human highly allergic to pigskin.
9) The only comparisons you've ever gotten to Joe Montana are that you both drink the same beer.
8) The only shoulder pads that fit you are off a Lane Bryant pants suit.
7) At the combine, the only areas where you scored high marks were snoring and lethargy.
6) Mel Kiper has you rated as the 27,000 best collegiate football player in the country, out of nearly 10,000.
5) The closest you've ever come to getting one of your highlights on SportsCenter is when you drunkenly bit the leg of a member of the Stanford band during a halftime performance.
4) Teams are not looking for players who write "totally afraid of dirt" on their personality questionnaire.
3) Sure, you gained fame as being the only NCAA player to punt in high heels, but apparently the NFL can't see past the gimmick.
2) After several private tryouts, the best feedback you've gotten is, "try to stop eating cookies".
1) Vegas has better odds on Terry Bradshaw beating David Hasselhoff in a Great Hair Contest.