Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Bin Laden changes Facebook status to "single"

Attention ladies, the world's #1 terrorist is now hoping to become a wanted man in other ways as evidenced by the sudden change in his Facebook status from "married" to "single" on Wednesday. The shocking announcement comes at a time when the shadowy figure has been mostly obscured from the public eye thanks to a strict regiment of cave dwelling, and target practice.
The page offers a fascinating insight into this man awash in terror. For instance, in a post from Monday evening Bin Laden states, "just took advantage of Applebee's 2 for $20 meal all by myself. Too stuffed to even hate". Another entry from two weeks ago reads, "This winter is ponderous. Is March Madness here yet?" Going back into early February there are a string of commentaries that seem to indicate that he was heavily involved in NFL playoff betting. He states in two separate posts, from the Monday morning's after the NFC playoffs and Superbowl respectively, "Praise Allah for Kurt Warner and those magnificent hands of the Fitzgerald", and "Who's the infidel in charge of clock management for the Cardinals?"

His "friends" list is comprised of nearly 900 names, and most of the banter in the chat section is of the mundane variety. Some of the comments included "Hey O, thanks for the order from", and "where you bin hiden?", and several referring to "Operation Antelope".

Bin Laden lists his favorite singers (Hasselhoff, Abdul), and suggests that he is open to seeing Bruce.

It is not known what happened to his other marriages, but until yesterday it was believed that he had as many as 4 wives and 25 children.


Sparkle Plenty said...

"Recently widowed aging rebel seeks mate for long walks in cave, eluding apprehension, serving as human bullet shield. No game-playing, emotional baggage, or allah-less bloated pig-dog infidels. Kids okay."

Cake said...

I'm so glad he's not one of my friends on Facebook...I'd really hate to log in and see that I'd been poked by Bin Laden.


(Love the 'ways to end the war' list, by the way! Way funny!)